No future

I don't feel the need to get old anymore, 

somehow the future doesn't appeal to me no more. 

In my heart it was always you and me together, 

turning the pages until the end. 

But none of us saw all this coming, 

and then now here I am. 

Suddenly when it all fell apart,

and I realized how ill I truly was. 

Then the future just disappeared just in front of me, 

just as if it never existed for me.

Suddenly life seemed like something I didn't want no more, 

because a life like this was never in my plans. 

I am such a vivid person, 

that for me this illness is even more extreme. 

Depression has stolen all my crayons, 

and dragged me down in the mud 

so I can't see. 

Suddenly I got blinded and lost all interest, 

in things that was just before everything to me. 

I started to picture myself as a mature woman, 

and suddenly that feeling was appalling to me. 

Because I never cared much of being lonely, 

and worse than old and lonely I couldn't be. 

So in an instant I just didn't want to go there, 

go where my life would take me to an older age. 

I had never thought about it as a problem before, 

but that was when I still thought I would bare your child
and that I never ever would lose my mind. 

Now even if I survived the abyss that I'm in, 

I would never dare to bring a child into this life, 

just to risk that precious, see me loose my sanity again. 

So just sudden I faced the end of it all, 

when the future is nowhere to be found. 

It just doesn't appeal to me anymore, 

when the best is all behind. 

I look at the mirror,

and I suddenly don't want to reach old age. 

I can't even imagine myself now, 

seeing myself with wrinkles and boobs way down below my chest. 

It all just lost its flavor, 

when this illness took me in its grip. 

Life is only worthy when you share it, 
and who would walk beside me now?

They only person I could think of, 

is still trapped within the dream I lost. 

So now when I think of getting older, 

I can't even imagine it at all.