To wake up to bipolar depression is like waking up and you are the last living person on earth.
It's like waking up and every one you ever loved had died, at the same time and left you with your grief.
It's like having all the diseases you could think of at once. Feeling nausea, like your about to faint, having problem with your vision. Aces and pains everywhere.
It's like waking up to a nightmare but the nightmare never stops and you never wake up.
The feeling of loneliness is overwhelming.
The feeling of sorrow and grief is heartbreaking.
The feeling of loss is unbearable.
And the feeling when your body screams at you hurts beyond words and can never be ignored.
That is what you wake up to when you wake up to bipolar depression.
And still being your old self at heart. Still remember how it is to be you. Still being you but being so tormented makes it all worse. Because you can just watch this disease in your mind. You can just watch it and see how utterly ridiculous it is. You can just watch your brain lie to you and trick you to feel emotions that are not true and think thoughts that are deceiving.
It's like watching a ship slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean. It's like seeing a house catch flames and burn to the ground.
It's like seeing a disaster happening but your hands and feet are tied to your back and there is nothing you can do.
Waking up to bipolar depression is like waking up and don't want to wake up no more.
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