Counting my blessings in the darkness

In the thickest of darkness there is still a light. 

In the depth of despair there is still hope. 

I have no wishes for the future. My life is right here. 

I might me tormented, but I'm still fighting. 

I might be beaten down, but I'm still alive. 

I don't know what will happen to me. I don't know if I'll see tomorrow. 

Life makes no promises. 

But I know what I had today and I know what I have right now. 

I'm surrounded with love. Even in my deepest pain. 

I see and sense so clearly all the blessings in my life. All the people that share my journey with me, they are all so precious, they are all a gift. 

Today I took joy in painting. Coloring in a book I got as a gift of love. 

Today I enjoyed my family's company even in the hours I was suffering the most, or maybe even more just then.

I've seen the joy in my fathers eyes today and I've heard the sound of his laughter more than once. 

I had several hours of pause from my illness today and that made me  appreciate the normal state of mind even more. 

I'm blessed to be able to feel big emotions, even though they are tearing me apart right now. 

I'm blessed to have been given the strength I have, even though I must use it all just to get by another day. 

So I'm living in the moment. I'm counting my blessings. I'm praising all the little moments I get every day. 

Even if it's just 30 seconds of relief during the sounds of a beautiful song. Or the feeling when I've cried for so long and for a moment the pain is washed away, before it can regather and start over once again.

I say thanks for the feeling I have just after I woken up and in that moment I feel normal, I feel healthy. In that moment I remember how it all used to feel, all the time, and I say thanks for that. 

Today I saw a cute movie and it made me smile and forget a bit of my troubles just for a little while. 

I might be crawling on my knees in the thick fog of this life that I've chosen, but I am still the light and the light still surrounds me. 

I don't know what will happen to me and I know that tomorrow is never promised. But today I collected my blessings and said thank you God for my gifts. I am one with the love and it's in every singel thing that surrounds me. And no matter what, I am protected and I am safe.