Memoryland

I feel like a nobody, even though I know I'm full of worth. 

I feel ugly, even though I know that I'm beautiful. 

I feel like a failure, even though I'm fighting harder now than ever before. 

I feel different, yet I know that I'm only one of the many. 

I feel lonely, yet I know I'm so very loved. 

My heart hurts and it feels like it's broken for forever. 

I don't even remember how it all felt before, but yet somewhere I do. 

I love to travel to memoryland. 

The place where I feel like me and where everything once again are complete. 

I love to play there. Walk around with my beloved and put the movies on repeat. 

How sweet it all was, before it all fell apart. Before I fell apart. 

I have no future to go to, it all looks to scary to me now, so I rather not look. 

Back then my future was my rescue. I could mold it anyway I wanted it. 

But my fantasy never became a reality, though my pictures in my mind served it's purpose. 

It took me so far, and they gave me so much joy. 

Now I flee back to the beginning, I find comfort in my movies of the past. 

It gives me great pain that they are over, but when I'm pretending that they are not, they give me peace. 

My heart is to big in a person that is way to little.

I never learned to distrust, and I never wanted to either. 

My mum always said, it's better to give it all you have and be fooled, than not to give enough and be safe. 

I always lived after that. 

That I rather give life everything I've got and then get beaten down to the ground, if that was what was going to happen. 

So in a way I've been brave. 

Some people might say stupid, but I have not one single regret. 

I might not be happy, I might be torn apart. 

With grief of the bruises my life have given me, and the punches I still get thrown to my face. 

But still if I could do it over I would. 

Because I know that I have given it my all, and therefore I have no regrets. 

I've done my very best, and I'm fighting now more than ever. 

I don't know if there will come a day where I again will see the light of dawn. 

But it doesn't matter. 

Because I gave it my all. 

I gave life everything I got. 

I laughed, I cried and I loved. 

And I have not a single regret.