Twinkle

If only I was the person that I look to be on the outside. 

If only my heart was as happy as my smile was bright. 

If only I felt as beautiful as others say I look. 

If only everything was like it appear. But it's not. 

I have better moments. I get breaks now. But still my heart is broken. 

Still I long and I yearn.

For comfort, for relief, for happiness, for joy and for love. 

I'm not complete. I got broken first hand, at birth. 

I never got completed, the way I should. So now I walk around half empty, feeling alone, looking for the other half of me. 

But my search are in vain. There is no other half me, there is only me.

Broken from the start, drinking scars from my mothers milk. 

What choice did I have? What choice do I have now? 

The scars are inscripted in my DNA. 

I carry them with me wherever I go. There is no escape, there is no relief. 

I've chosen the burdens of many, so I am strong. 

I carry a load on my shoulders that no one can see, but still the weight pushes me down into the ground. 

Where do I go from here, I ask him. 

But he just smiles, as always. 

The silent smile with no end and no beginning, and with answers not yet to be found. 

I'm lost, I mumble and look into the ground. The earth reaches me to my waistline and my kicking just make me travel further down. 

So I play dead. I stand still. And the raindrops dripping from the leaves above reaches my face. 

He walks away, smiling. I know he's never far away. He knows my path but he would never tell. He would never ruin the ending of a story, good or bad.

In his world they are all stories, and we are all equally loved. 

He would never make an exception for me, because I am just one of the many. 

I look up at the stars. The night is dark and the twinkles are many. 

They glow million light years away, but still they are just next to my flashing eyes. 

Some of them are far long gone, shining the light of their memories. Some yet just being born, that I cannot even see. 

I look up to them asking, I'm lost please show me the way. 

One twinkle fell, fell fast to the ground. Leaving a bright stripe of light on top of the darkness of the night. 

And I never really got the message. Was this luck or was this goodbye.